Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well, give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your tests results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 hours?! That's terrible. What could be more worse? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday...
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A man rushed into the doctor's clinic and shouted: Doctor! I'm think I'm shrinking!
The Doctor calmly responded: Now settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient.
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Worried patient: Doctor, I'm very worried. I'm still suffering from exhaustion and fatigue when I come home from work everyday.
Doctor: Oh, that is nothing to worry about. Just have a drink before your dinner every day- that will soon wake you up.
Patient: Thanks. But last time I consulted you, you told me to cut out drinking alcohol completely.
Doctor: Yes, so I did. That was last week. Medical science has progressed enormously since then.
I've been having my eleventh grade exams these days. I haven't studied for the upcoming and not done well in those which are over. It's a tough time... Out of frustration I present you this joke-
W A R N I N G! Read it at your own risk. You may lose your knowledge!
Bum-Dumb Questions:
1. What language is spoken by the English people?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with reference to architecture, law, literature and social conditions -OR- Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. How many feet is 0.0 metres?
4. Spell- Bush, Canter, Clinton.
5. Six kings of England have been called Henry, the last one being Henry VI. Name the previous five.
6. Where does rain come from? a) Nancy's b) 7-11 c) Canada d) The sky
7. Advanced math- If you have 3 apples, how many apples do you have?
8. What does CIA ( Central Investigation Agency ) stand for?
9. 'Star spangled banner' is the national anthem of which country?
10. What religion is the Pope? a) Jew b) Catholic c) Hindu d) Polish e) Agnostic [ Check only one ]
11. Which part of the United States produces the most apples? a) California b) Iraq c) Russia d) Pakistan
12. Can you explain Einstein's theory of relativity? a) Yup b) Nope
13. Explain Le Chateliers principle of dynamic equilibrium -OR- Spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS
14. Where is the basement in a 56 storey building?
15. What are coat hangers used for?
Husband: ( returning from work ) Evening dear, I'm logged in now.
Wife: Have you bought the ring?
Husband: Bad command or file name.
Wife: But I had told you in the morning...
Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort?
Wife: My dress atleast...?
Husband: Variable not found.
Wife: It was a grave mistake that I married you!
Husband: A true case of data type mismatch.
Wife: You're an useless nut.
Husband: By default.
Wife: What about your salary?
Husband: Filed in use.
Wife: And who was in the car this morning?
Husband: System unstable. Press CTRL+ALT+DEL to reboot.
Wife: Will you have something?
Husband: Hard disk full.
Wife: What's with your secretary?
Husband: The only user with write permission.
Wife: What about me?
Husband: Unknown virus detected.
Husband: Do you love me or your PC?
Husband: Too many parameters.
Wife: I'm breaking up with ya.
Husband: Program performed illegal operation. It will close.
Wife: I'm leaving.
Husband: Close all programs and log out for another user.
Wife: It's a waste talking to you.
Husband: Shut down the computer now.
Wife: Good bye.
Husband: It's now safe to turn off your computer.
